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Finally, the truth. Lying with his face pressed into the dusty carpet of the office where he had once thought he was learning the secrets of victory, Harry understood at last that he was not supposed to survive. His job was to walk calmly into Death’s welcoming arms. Along the way, he was to dispose of Voldemort’s remaining links to life, so that when at last he flung himself across Voldemort’s path, and did not raise a wand to defend himself, the end would be clean, and the job that ought to have been done in Godric’s Hollow would be finished: Neither would live, neither could survive.

终于,真相大白。哈利躺在办公室的地上,脸贴着脏兮兮的地毯,他曾经以为他是在这里学习胜利的秘诀。哈利终于明白他是不能幸存的。他的任务就是平静地走向死神张开的怀抱。在这条路上,他还要斩除伏地魔与生命的最后联系。这样,当他最终冲过去直面伏地魔,并且不用魔杖保护自己时,结局才会干净彻底,早在戈德里克山谷就该完成的工作才会真正结束:谁也活不下来,谁也不能幸存。

He felt his heart pounding fiercely in his chest. How strange that in his dread of death, it pumped all the harder, valiantly keeping him alive. But it would have to stop, and soon. Its beats were numbered. How many would there be time for, as he rose and walked through the castle for the last time, out into the grounds and into the forest?

他感觉到心脏在胸腔里剧烈地跳动。多么奇怪啊,他怀着对死亡的恐惧,然而他的心脏却跳得格外有力,勇敢地维持着他的生命。可是它不得不停止,而且很快就得停止。它跳动的次数不会太多了。当他站起身,最后一次穿越城堡,走过操场,进入禁林,这期间心脏还能跳多少次呢?

Terror washed over him as he lay on the floor, with that funeral drum pounding inside him. Would it hurt to die? All those times he had thought that it was about to happen and escaped, he had never really thought of the thing itself: His will to live had always been so much stronger than his fear of death. Yet it did not occur to him now to try to escape, to outrun Voldemort. It was over, he knew it, and all that was left was the thing itself: dying.

他躺在地板上,恐惧像潮水般袭来,葬礼的鼓声在他内心咚咚敲响。死会疼吗?多少次他以为死到临头而又侥幸逃脱,却从未真正考虑过死亡本身。他对活的愿望总是比对死的恐惧要强烈得多。但现在他没有想到要逃跑,要摆脱伏地魔的魔爪。他知道,一切都结束了,剩下来的只有一件事了:死。

If he could only have died on that summer’s night when he had left number four, Privet Drive, for the last time, when the noble phoenix-feather wand had saved him! If he could only have died like Hedwig, so quickly he would not have known it had happened! Or if he could have launched himself in front of a wand to save someone he loved. . . . He envied even his parents’ deaths now. This cold-blooded walk to his own destruction would require a different kind of bravery. He felt his fingers trembling slightly and made an effort to control them, although no one could see him; the portraits on the walls were all empty.

如果他在最后一次离开女贞路四号的那个夏夜里死去该有多好,但高贵的凤凰羽毛魔杖救了他!如果他能像海德薇那样死去该有多好,在不知不觉间突然毙命!或者,如果他能为了救自己心爱的人,奋不顾身地挡在魔杖前……此刻他甚至嫉妒父母的死了。这样冷静从容地走向自己的毁灭实在需要一种不同的勇气。他感到自己的手指在微微颤抖,但他努力控制着,虽然并没有人能看见,墙上的肖像都是空的。

Slowly, very slowly, he sat up, and as he did so he felt more alive and more aware of his own living body than ever before. Why had he never appreciated what a miracle he was, brain and nerve and bounding heart? It would all be gone . . . or at least, he would be gone from it. His breath came slow and deep, and his mouth and throat were completely dry, but so were his eyes.

慢慢地,很慢很慢的,他坐了起来,这时他比以前任何时候都更真切地感觉到自己活着,更清楚地意识到自己有生命的躯体。他以前怎么从未认识到自己是个多么了不起的奇迹:头脑,神经,还有跳动的心脏?一切都将离开……至少,他将离这一切而去。他的呼吸缓慢、深重,嘴和喉咙都十分干燥,但眼睛也是干的。

Dumbledore’s betrayal was almost nothing. Of course there had been a bigger plan; Harry had simply been too foolish to see it, he realized that now. He had never questioned his own assumption that Dumbledore wanted him alive. Now he saw that his life span had always been determined by how long it took to eliminate all the Horcruxes. Dumbledore had passed the job of destroying them to him, and obediently he had continued to chip away at the bonds tying not only Voldemort, but himself, to life! How neat, how elegant, not to waste any more lives, but to give the dangerous task to the boy who had already been marked for slaughter, and whose death would not be a calamity, but another blow against Voldemort.

邓布利多的欺骗实在算不了什么。当然是有一个更大的计划,只是哈利太愚蠢,没有看到。他现在总算明白了。他一直想当然地从不怀疑邓布利多希望他活着。现在他终于知道了,他生命的长短始终是由消灭所有魂器需要多少时间而决定的。邓布利多把消灭魂器的任务交给了他,他也就顺从地继续削弱那根不仅连接着伏地魔的生命、也连接着他自己生命的纽带!多么简洁,多么干脆,别再浪费更多的生命,把这危险的任务交给一个注定该死的男孩,他的死不会是一种灾难,而是对伏地魔的又一次打击。

And Dumbledore had known that Harry would not duck out, that he would keep going to the end, even though it was his end, because he had taken trouble to get to know him, hadn’t he? Dumbledore knew, as Voldemort knew, that Harry would not let anyone else die for him now that he had discovered it was in his power to stop it. The images of Fred, Lupin, and Tonks lying dead in the Great Hall forced their way back into his mind’s eye, and for a moment he could hardly breathe: Death was impatient. . . .

邓布利多知道哈利不会逃避,知道他会一直走到最后,尽管那是他的终结,因为邓布利多曾经努力了解哈利。不是吗?伏地魔知道,邓布利多也知道,哈利一旦发现自己有力量阻止,就不会听任别人为他去死。弗雷德、卢平和唐克斯的遗体躺在礼堂里的情景,又挤进哈利的脑海,令他一时简直透不过气来:死神迫不及待了……

But Dumbledore had overestimated him. He had failed: The snake survived. One Horcrux remained to bind Voldemort to the earth, even after Harry had been killed. True, that would mean an easier job for somebody. He wondered who would do it. . . . Ron and Hermione would know what needed to be done, of course. . . . That would have been why Dumbledore wanted him to confide in two others . . . so that if he fulfilled his true destiny a little early, they could carry on. . . .

但是邓布利多把他估计得过高了。他失败了,那条蛇还活着。即使哈利被杀死了,仍有一个魂器把伏地魔绑在尘世间。当然啦,那意味着别人会比较容易得手。谁会做这件事呢,他猜想着……罗恩和赫敏肯定知道需要做什么……因此邓布利多才希望他把秘密透露给他们俩……这样,如果他提早一点实现了他真正的宿命,他们可以继续下去……

Like rain on a cold window, these thoughts pattered against the hard surface of the incontrovertible truth, which was that he must die. I must die. It must end.

像雨点打在冰冷的窗户上,这些思绪纷乱地砸在那个硬邦邦的、不可否认的事实上,事实就是他必须死。我必须死。事情必须结束。

Ron and Hermione seemed a long way away, in a far-off country; he felt as though he had parted from them long ago. There would be no good-byes and no explanations, he was determined of that. This was a journey they could not take together, and the attempts they would make to stop him would waste valuable time. He looked down at the battered gold watch he had received on his seventeenth birthday. Nearly half of the hour allotted by Voldemort for his surrender had elapsed.

罗恩和赫敏似乎在很远很远的地方,在某个遥远的国度。他觉得自己跟他们分开很久了。不要告别,也不要解释,他已经拿定了主意。这是一段他们不能结伴同行的旅途,他俩会想方设法阻止他,那只会浪费宝贵的时间。他低头看了看十七岁生日得到的那块变了形的金表。伏地魔规定他投降的时间已经过去了近半个小时。

He stood up. His heart was leaping against his ribs like a frantic bird. Perhaps it knew it had little time left, perhaps it was determined to fulfill a lifetime’s beats before the end. He did not look back as he closed the office door.

哈利站了起来,心像一只疯狂的小鸟,猛烈地撞击着他的胸肋。也许它知道时间已经不多了,也许它决定在结束之前完成一生的跳动。哈利没有回头再看一眼,关上了办公室的门。

The castle was empty. He felt ghostly striding through it alone, as if he had already died. The portrait people were still missing from their frames; the whole place was eerily still, as if all its remaining lifeblood were concentrated in the Great Hall where the dead and the mourners were crammed.

城堡里空荡荡的。他独自大步行走着,感觉像个幽灵,仿佛自己已经死了。那些画框里的肖像仍然空着,整个学校是一片诡异的死寂,似乎所有剩下来的生命都集中在了大礼堂,死者和哀悼者都挤在那里。

Harry pulled the Invisibility Cloak over himself and descended through the floors, at last walking down the marble staircase into the entrance hall. Perhaps some tiny part of him hoped to be sensed, to be seen, to be stopped, but the Cloak was, as ever, impenetrable, perfect, and he reached the front doors easily.

哈利把隐形衣披在身上,走下一层层楼,最后顺着大理石楼梯来到门厅。也许,他内心某个小小的角落里希望有人感觉到他,看见他,阻拦他,但是隐形衣一如既往地完美、纹丝不漏,他很轻松地走到了门口。

Then Neville nearly walked into him. He was one half of a pair that was carrying a body in from the grounds. Harry glanced down and felt another dull blow to his stomach: Colin Creevey, though underage, must have sneaked back just as Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle had done. He was tiny in death.

突然,纳威差点撞在他身上。纳威和另一个人一起从操场上搬进一具尸体。哈利低头一看,心头又像是挨了一击:科林·克里维。他还不够年龄,肯定是像马尔福、克拉布和高尔那样偷偷溜回来的。死去的他显得那么幼小。

“You know what? I can manage him alone, Neville,” said Oliver Wood, and he heaved Colin over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift and carried him into the Great Hall.

“听我说,纳威,我一个人搬得动他。”奥利弗·伍德说着,像消防队员那样把科林扛在肩膀上走进了礼堂。

Neville leaned against the door frame for a moment and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. He looked like an old man. Then he set off down the steps again into the darkness to recover more bodies.

纳威在门框上靠了一会儿,用手背擦了擦额头上的汗。他看上去就像一个老人。然后他又走下台阶,到黑暗中去寻找别的尸体。

Harry took one glance back at the entrance of the Great Hall. People were moving around, trying to comfort each other, drinking, kneeling beside the dead, but he could not see any of the people he loved, no hint of Hermione, Ron, Ginny, or any of the other Weasleys, no Luna. He felt he would have given all the time remaining to him for just one last look at them; but then, would he ever have the strength to stop looking? It was better like this.

哈利最后看了一眼礼堂的入口。人们走来走去,互相安慰,喝东西,跪在死者身边,但他看不见一个他所爱的人,没有赫敏、罗恩、金妮和韦斯莱家的其他人,也没有卢娜。他觉得愿意用剩下来的所有时间换取看他们最后一眼,可是,如果那样的话,他是不是还有毅力把目光移开呢?还是这样更好。

He moved down the steps and out into the darkness. It was nearly four in the morning, and the deathly stillness of the grounds felt as though they were holding their breath, waiting to see whether he could do what he must.

他走下台阶,来到外面的黑夜里。差不多凌晨四点了,死一般寂静的操场似乎也屏住了呼吸,等着看他是否会做他必须要做的事情。

Harry moved toward Neville, who was bending over another body.

哈利朝俯身查看另一具尸体的纳威走去。

“Neville.”

“纳威。”

“Blimey, Harry, you nearly gave me heart failure!”

“天哪,哈利,你差点把我吓死!”

Harry had pulled off the Cloak: The idea had come to him out of nowhere, born out of a desire to make absolutely sure.

哈利已经脱掉了隐形衣。这个念头是突然冒出来的,因为他希望确保万无一失。

“Where are you going, alone?” Neville asked suspiciously.

“你一个人要上哪儿去?”纳威怀疑地问。

“It’s all part of the plan,” said Harry. “There’s something I’ve got to do. Listen — Neville —”

“这也是计划的一部分,”哈利说道,“我要去做一件事。听我说——纳威——”

“Harry!” Neville looked suddenly scared. “Harry, you’re not thinking of handing yourself over?”

“哈利——”纳威突然神色惊恐,说道,“哈利,你该不是想把自己交出去吧?”

“No,” Harry lied easily. “ ’Course not . . . this is something else. But I might be out of sight for a while. You know Voldemort’s snake, Neville? He’s got a huge snake. . . . Calls it Nagini . . .”

“不,”哈利语气随意地说了一个谎,“当然不是……是别的事情。但我可能要失踪一段时间。纳威,你知道伏地魔的蛇吧?他有一条特别大的蛇……叫作纳吉尼……”

“I’ve heard, yeah. . . . What about it?”

“知道,听说过……怎么啦?”

“It’s got to be killed. Ron and Hermione know that, but just in case they —”

“必须把它杀死。罗恩和赫敏知道,但万一他们——”

The awfulness of that possibility smothered him for a moment, made it impossible to keep talking. But he pulled himself together again: This was crucial, he must be like Dumbledore, keep a cool head, make sure there were backups, others to carry on. Dumbledore had died knowing that three people still knew about the Horcruxes; now Neville would take Harry’s place: There would still be three in the secret.

这种可能性太可怕了,使他一时喘不上气来,无法继续往下说。但他重新振作起来——这是至关重要的,他必须像邓布利多那样保持头脑冷静,确保有人替补,有另外的人把任务执行下去。邓布利多死的时候知道仍有三个人了解魂器的事,现在纳威将取代哈利,这样仍有三个人熟知内情。

“Just in case they’re — busy — and you get the chance —”

“万一他们——很忙——而你又有机会——”

“Kill the snake?”

“把蛇杀死?”

“Kill the snake,” Harry repeated.

“把蛇杀死。”哈利重复了一遍。

“All right, Harry. You’re okay, are you?”

“好的,哈利。你没事吧?”

“I’m fine. Thanks, Neville.”

“我很好。谢谢你,纳威。”

But Neville seized his wrist as Harry made to move on.

哈利刚转身要走,纳威抓住了他的手腕。

“We’re all going to keep fighting, Harry. You know that?”

“我们都会坚持战斗的,哈利。你知道吗?”

“Yeah, I —”

“知道,我——”

The suffocating feeling extinguished the end of the sentence; he could not go on. Neville did not seem to find it strange. He patted Harry on the shoulder, released him, and walked away to look for more bodies.

窒息的感觉使后半句话哽在喉咙里,他说不下去了。纳威似乎并没有察觉哈利的异样。他拍拍哈利的肩膀,松开他,走开去寻找别的尸体了。

Harry swung the Cloak back over himself and walked on. Someone else was moving not far away, stooping over another prone figure on the ground. He was feet away from her when he realized it was Ginny.

哈利把隐形衣重新披在身上,继续往前走。不远处有人在动,在弯腰查看一个趴在地上的人影。相距几步的时候,哈利认出那是金妮。

He stopped in his tracks. She was crouching over a girl who was whispering for her mother.

他猛地停住脚步。金妮俯身安慰着一个低声呼喊妈妈的女孩。

“It’s all right,” Ginny was saying. “It’s okay. We’re going to get you inside.”

“没事了,”金妮说,“不要紧的。我们这就把你抱进去。”

“But I want to go home,” whispered the girl. “I don’t want to fight anymore!”

“可是我想回家,”女孩低声说,“我不想再战斗了!”

“I know,” said Ginny, and her voice broke. “It’s going to be all right.”

“我知道,”金妮说着,声音哽咽了,“会过去的。”

Ripples of cold undulated over Harry’s skin. He wanted to shout out to the night, he wanted Ginny to know that he was there, he wanted her to know where he was going. He wanted to be stopped, to be dragged back, to be sent back home. . . .

一波波寒意掠过哈利的皮肤。他想对着黑夜大喊,想让金妮知道他在这里,他想让金妮知道他要去哪儿。他想被人阻拦,被拽回去,被送回家……

But he was home. Hogwarts was the first and best home he had known. He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys, had all found home here. . . .

然而,他现在就在家里。霍格沃茨是他所知道的第一个家,最好的家。他、伏地魔和斯内普这些被遗弃的男孩,都在这里找到了家……

Ginny was kneeling beside the injured girl now, holding her hand. With a huge effort Harry forced himself on. He thought he saw Ginny look around as he passed, and wondered whether she had sensed someone walking nearby, but he did not speak, and he did not look back.

金妮此刻跪在那个受伤的女孩身边,抓住了她的手。哈利以极大的毅力强迫自己往前走。他仿佛看见金妮在他经过时四下看了看,不知她是否感觉到有人在旁边走过,但哈利没有说话,也没有回头。

Hagrid’s hut loomed out of the darkness. There were no lights, no sound of Fang scrabbling at the door, his bark booming in welcome. All those visits to Hagrid, and the gleam of the copper kettle on the fire, and rock cakes and giant grubs, and his great bearded face, and Ron vomiting slugs, and Hermione helping him save Norbert . . .

海格的小屋在黑暗中浮现了。没有灯光,也听不见牙牙在门口抓挠、吠叫着表示欢迎的声音。曾经那么多次来看望海格,炉火上闪闪发亮的铜壶,岩皮饼,巨蛴螬,还有海格那张硕大的、胡子拉碴的脸,罗恩吐出鼻涕虫,赫敏帮助海格拯救诺伯……

He moved on, and now he reached the edge of the forest, and he stopped.

哈利继续往前走,现在他已经来到森林边缘。他停下了脚步。

A swarm of dementors was gliding amongst the trees; he could feel their chill, and he was not sure he would be able to pass safely through it. He had no strength left for a Patronus. He could no longer control his own trembling. It was not, after all, so easy to die. Every second he breathed, the smell of the grass, the cool air on his face, was so precious: To think that people had years and years, time to waste, so much time it dragged, and he was clinging to each second. At the same time he thought that he would not be able to go on, and knew that he must. The long game was ended, the Snitch had been caught, it was time to leave the air. . . .

一群摄魂怪在树丛间游荡,他感觉到它们的寒意,不知道自己能不能安全通过。他已经没有力量召唤守护神了。他再也控制不住自己颤抖的身体。看来,死亡并非那么容易。他呼吸的每一秒钟,青草的芳香,凉风拂过面颊的感觉,都是那么宝贵。想到别人还有许多许多年的光阴可以挥霍,时间多得简直无以打发,而他,每一秒钟都那么难以割舍。他认为自己无法再往前走了,同时又知道必须往前走。这场漫长的游戏结束了,金色飞贼已经抓住,应该离开空中了……

The Snitch. His nerveless fingers fumbled for a moment with the pouch at his neck and he pulled it out.

飞贼。他无力的手指在脖子上挂的皮袋里摸索了一会儿,把它掏了出来。

I open at the close.

我在结束时打开。

Breathing fast and hard, he stared down at it. Now that he wanted time to move as slowly as possible, it seemed to have sped up, and understanding was coming so fast it seemed to have bypassed thought. This was the close. This was the moment.

哈利低头盯着飞贼,呼吸急促而粗重。现在他希望时间过得越慢越好,时间却仿佛加快了速度,他好像是不假思索,便豁然开朗。这就是结束。是时候了。

He pressed the golden metal to his lips and whispered, “I am about to die.”

他把金色的金属表面贴在唇上,轻声说道:“我要死了。”

The metal shell broke open. He lowered his shaking hand, raised Draco’s wand beneath the Cloak, and murmured, “Lumos.”

金属壳裂开了。哈利垂下颤抖的手,在隐形衣下举起德拉科的魔杖,轻声说了一句:“荧光闪烁。”

The black stone with its jagged crack running down the center sat in the two halves of the Snitch. The Resurrection Stone had cracked down the vertical line representing the Elder Wand. The triangle and circle representing the Cloak and the stone were still discernible.

裂为两半的飞贼中,正是那块中间有一道据齿状裂缝的黑石头。复活石上的裂缝沿着代表老魔杖的标志直直贯下,而代表隐形衣和石头的三角和圆形依然清晰可辨。

And again Harry understood without having to think. It did not matter about bringing them back, for he was about to join them. He was not really fetching them: They were fetching him.

哈利又一次顿悟。让死者复活已经不重要了,因为他就要成为他们中间的一员。其实,不是他在把他们叫来,而是他们在把他叫去。

He closed his eyes and turned the stone over in his hand three times.

他闭上眼睛,把石头在手里转了三次。

He knew it had happened, because he heard slight movements around him that suggested frail bodies shifting their footing on the earthy, twig-strewn ground that marked the outer edge of the forest. He opened his eyes and looked around.

他知道有结果了,因为他听见周围传来了轻微的动静,像是一些柔弱的身体在森林外围树枝散落的泥土上移动脚步。他睁开眼睛,环顾四周。

They were neither ghost nor truly flesh, he could see that. They resembled most closely the Riddle that had escaped from the diary so long ago, and he had been memory made nearly solid. Less substantial than living bodies, but much more than ghosts, they moved toward him, and on each face, there was the same loving smile.

他看出他们既不是幽灵,也不是有血有肉的活人。他们更像是很久以前从日记里逃出来的那个里德尔,即像几乎变成实体的记忆。他们不像活人的身体那么实在,却比幽灵真实得多。他们朝他走来,每张脸上都带着那样慈爱的笑容。

James was exactly the same height as Harry. He was wearing the clothes in which he had died, and his hair was untidy and ruffled, and his glasses were a little lopsided, like Mr. Weasley’s.

詹姆和哈利一样高,穿着死去时的那身衣服,头发乱糟糟的,眼镜戴得有点歪,就像韦斯莱先生。

Sirius was tall and handsome, and younger by far than Harry had seen him in life. He loped with an easy grace, his hands in his pockets and a grin on his face.

小天狼星高大英俊,比哈利当初见到的活着的时候年轻得多。他步履轻松地慢慢走来,手插在口袋里,脸上笑容绽放。

Lupin was younger too, and much less shabby, and his hair was thicker and darker. He looked happy to be back in this familiar place, scene of so many adolescent wanderings.

卢平也年轻一些,不像后来那么邋遢,头发也更黑更密。回到这个熟悉的地方,回到青春年少时曾多次游荡的环境里,他显得很高兴。

Lily’s smile was widest of all. She pushed her long hair back as she drew close to him, and her green eyes, so like his, searched his face hungrily, as though she would never be able to look at him enough.

莉莉是他们中笑得最开心的。她把长长的秀发捋到脑后,走近哈利身边,那双与哈利一模一样的绿眼睛,如饥似渴地端详着哈利的脸,仿佛永远也看不够。

“You’ve been so brave.”

“你真勇敢。”

He could not speak. His eyes feasted on her, and he thought that he would like to stand and look at her forever, and that would be enough.

哈利说不出话来。他尽情地打量着母亲,似乎愿意永远站在这里看着她,他觉得这样就够了。

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