I. Essay
Study at Home or in School – HOME
Topic:In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice.
Up to the question that which is better, studying at home using computer or studying at school, people have diverse opinions about it. (Regarding [the question of] whether it is better to study at home on the computer or at school, people have diverse opinions.) (“regarding the question”) (A) Some people think that studying at school is a good idea, while others suspect that studying at home using a computer is better. In my point of view, I think studying at home using computers is as good as, if not better than, studying at school. There are many instances supporting my view. (There are many reasons supporting my view.)
Although at first glance these arguments sound reasonable and appealing, they are not borne out by a careful consideration. (Although at first these arguments may sound reasonable and appealing, they are not borne out of careful consideration.) (“Although at first”) (B)Studying at home is much more efficient than studying at school. To illustrate this, there is an example that is very persuasive. (To illustrate this point, one example is very persuasive.) (1) At school, if you want to learn something you do not understand, it is difficult to make the teacher repeat it for you. But using a computer can solve this question without any difficulty.
In addition, studying at home can save you a lot of time. An example that accompanies this reason is that, if you study at school, you must spend a lot of time on traffic. (An example to support this reasons is that, if you study at school, you must spend a lot of time in traffic.) But studying at home will be out of this question. (If you studied at home, this would not be a problem.) (2) Just turn on the computer, and we can go on with our studies.
Finally the incomparable advantage of studying at home is the convenience. There is a good example. (For example,) (3) If you wanted to study at midnight, can you do it at school? (if you wanted to study at midnight, could you do it in school?) But at home we can do it by computer. You can study at any time you like. (“at any time you like”) (C)
In conclusion. It must be explained that these reasons sometimes intertwine to form an arganic whole and thus become more persuasive than any one of them. (In conclusion, these reasons sometimes intertwine together to form a whole argument and thus become more persuasive than each one individually.) Then any thinking person must agree that studying at home using computers is better. (As such, any intelligent person would surely agree that studying at home using a computer is better.)
II. Editorial Comments
1. Original: To illustrate this, there is an example that is very persuasive. Revised: To illustrate this point, one example is very persuasive.
one example is very persuasive表达更简洁，使文章紧凑。
2. Original: But studying at home will be out of this question. Revised: If you studied at home, this would not be a problem.
原句缺少主语，是中国学生写作时常犯的错误。
3. Original: There is a good example.
