Best to Study at Home or School – SCHOOL
I. Essay
Topic:In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice.
Different people have different views on how to study. In my point of view, studying in traditional schools is as significant as, if not more, than studying at home using technology such as computers or television. So it is sensible to study at traditional schools. (So it is sensible to study in traditional schools.)
The argument for this view goes as follows. First, conventional school education provides you good opportunities to make friends and to develop your social skills. (First, conventional school education provides you with good opportunities to make friends and develop your social skills.) (1) Studying in schools lets you be sufficiently prepared before you go into the society. (Studying in schools lets you become sufficiently prepared before you enter society.) (“enter society”) (A) The team spirit cultivates through collective ability that can not be achieved by studying at home. (The team spirit that is cultivated at school through student cooperation cannot be achieved through studying at home.)
Second, studying in classes is much easier to concentrate on learning knowledge than at home. (Second, it is much easier to concentrate on studying in classes than it is at home.) (2) It is not only because everybody studies together in the classroom, but also because there are too many distractions in the home environment. (This is not only because everybody studies together in class, but also because there are not as many distractions at school as there are at home.) In addition, well-established schools supply a lot of advanced equipment to study for students. (In addition, well-established schools supply students with a lot of advanced studying equipment.)
Third, teachers in schools may help you solve a problem themselves. (Third, teachers in schools may help you solve a problem face to face.) (“face to face”) (B) After you finish an excellent job, they will encourage you to give you confidence. (After you finish an excellent job, they will boost your confidence.) (“to boost your confidence”) (C) So it highly improves efficiency of the knowledge comprehension. (So, it highly improves the efficiency of comprehension.)
I am the sort of person who has been studying in school for twelve years and will be continued studying in school for five years. (I am someone who has been studying in school for twelve years and will continue studying for five more years.) (3) Considering the advantages of studying in conventional schools, I would prefer to choose the latter choice.
II. Editorial Comments
1. Original: First, conventional school education provides you good opportunities to make friends and to develop your social skills. Revised: First, conventional school education provides you with good opportunities to make friends and develop your social skills.
动词“provide”用于表达提供的意思时，必须和“with”, and “for”这样的介词联用。比如：Mr. Bee provided Ron with a pen and pencil for his TOEFL test. OR Ron worked hard in order to provide food and shelter for his family.
2. Original: Second, studying in classes is much easier to concentrate on learning knowledge than at home. Revised: Second, it is much easier to concentrate on studying in classes than it is at home.
两件事相互比较用，用（much）more than结构。同时要注意，（much）more than前后结构要一致。 另外，原句中studying in classes作为主语稍显冗长，用it代替效果会好些。
3. Original: I am the sort of person who has been studying in school for twelve years and will be continued studying in school for five years. Revised: I am someone who has been studying in school for twelve years and will continue studying for five more years.
Be continued是被动语态，用在这里显然不对。作者的原意可能是想用将来进行时，但continue 已经有动作持续的意思了，所以用将来时就可以。
